You’ll notice why this is carefully written following my previous one. I’m currently on recovery from being misunderstood, misrepresented, and just plain missed by someone I thought I was closer to. Someone I had given my heart to and took care of like my own child more than just a relative. Like I said before, I’m reeling from the hurt. And mostly asking myself, “how did I get here?”
It shouldn’t be too much of a shock when I admit here that I care too much about what others think of me. I’ve talked briefly on reputations, but for me it’s more about how others perceive my character. I’m too much of a perfectionist to not care. I truly have lived by rules and believe that you are only guaranteed your name in this life. Well, that was before. Perhaps going through this painful experience has me searching for another code to live by. After all, this hurt says more about her than me anyhow. Could it really be more about her fears, her expectations, and experiences? Who hurt her enough to justify this behavior; this betrayal?
Again, you won’t always find these words to you both to be this deep or depressing, but I want to be real. And yes, the real world comes with hurt.
I’m not there yet, but I’m trying to get to the other side. The side where misunderstanding doesn’t equate to missing life and love.
Will our relationship be restored? I can’t answer that yet, but I do know who I am and I like that person. My past, expectations, and fears won’t come between my relationships (I’ve worked too hard to get here) and this won’t change that either,
Mom
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