Daughters,
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
-Cheryl Strayed
I’ve been here before. I tend to hold on for far longer than I should. Until I’m left completely shattered and have no choice but to let go. Im loyal to a fault. Which should be a good thing, I know. My brain tends to hold my heart in these moments, making the suffering last longer than it should. Replaying words and last moments over and over like a cruel game in my head. It’s no wonder now in my mid thirties that I’m exhausted. The walls go up too.
I’m in another one of these cruel games again in real time, but this time around with extended family that I know I can’t just wish away. Im figuring out how to be in this same room of acceptance. Because I know I’ll continue to do life with them. And in a weird way, I feel like I’m figuring this out not just for myself but for the future you.
I found another Cheryl Strayed quote that I’ve tucked away for this kind of moment. She says,
“It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.”
So here I am, resolving again and again. And perhaps this is what life looks like for everyone. I realize that I’ve done a lot of the work already and even though I’ll try and fix your own situations someday, I know you both will find your own wisdom with age and experience too.
Just know that if you find yourself being forced to let go, that there’s room for acceptance always. Sometimes you can try and do it all, fix it all, and still be left behind. Your heart matters and it’s in the right place even if your brain or especially when others don’t make it feel that way.
You’re worthy,
Always.
Mom
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