Soil-

 

Daughters,

“Instead of deeply rooting ourselves within the substance of God’s grace, we keep trying to fit grace into the framework of our own soil for success- a framework that feeds on our innate pressure to perform and seeks to sustain a standard that disappoints no one. 

That’s why we’re so tired. 

That’s why we keep hustling. 

That’s why we never feel like we’re enough. 

We are working so hard to bloom, to bend, to please that we’ve neglected the soil from which we flourish. 

I’m convinced we live and act out of what we believe, meaning that what we love most, believe wholeheartedly, and feel most convinced of will dictate the choices we make, the things we prioritize, the fears that consume us, and how we orient our lives.” 

-Ruth Chou Simons 

It just so happens that you my oldest daughter are in the middle of your science project for school and you are testing out which soil is the best for planting seeds. And it just so happens I’m in the middle of the storm of my life as I navigate middle age, changes in my career, and relationships in general. Spoil alert, life can not by solved by wishing it to go faster, nor can it be summed up in a “TikTok.”

I truly think most of what I’m feeling can be boiled down to the fear of not being enough. Isn’t that everyone’s? 

And I’m learning that the cure to my fear of not being enough is not achieving more or keeping things so controlled (that it’s nice and tidy but without realness). Ruth goes on to say, 

“My most anxious, weary, and discouraged times are not simply seasons affected by circumstance; they are seasons shaped by wrong core beliefs about God. We’ve been chasing after alignment with our own ideas and purposes by our own means, bending and trying to fit our form into the ever-changing picture of what it is to be worthy. And when we bend- straining against what we’re created for- we break.” 

This conversation will continue to grow (no soil pun intended) I’m sure. I know that in many ways this feels unfinished, but know that you both are not alone if you ever find yourself struggling to feel good enough. Re-read the above quote, I will be too- 

Mom