I’m on a roll here, writing to you both a lot this month!
In Elizabeth Lesser’s book Marrow she describes the Latin term Amor Fati,
“Amor Fati: love of fate. Nietzsche said that if you could say yes to everything, even if your fate sucks, if you could love it and not just bear it, you would find beauty and meaning everywhere.”
Im trying to feel this in real time. I’ve experienced it once before when your Nanie was suddenly diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma after an annual mammogram came back abnormal. She was healthy, or at least appeared to be. It cut the oxygen in the room. I grieved what I thought was normal for awhile after her diagnosis. But as time went on (now five years later), we both found it to be a precious gift.
It’s hard to describe here, but in a brief sense, I feel like it gave me my mom back. I truer version of her anyways. Her cancer cut through the “bull” for both of us and allowed healing from past experiences and hurts. Conversations I never thought we would have. Her life felt fragile yes, but more precious, and we didn’t take anything for granted. It forced me to be more intentional and real. Now, I’m hoping to do that in other aspects of my life and with other people who matter to me, but without another health scare. It’s definitely a road trip, but I’m determined to find my own love of fate,
Mom
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