Dating-

 

Daughters, 

I highly recommend clicking on the picture above and reading this advice. Man, where was this when I was first dating?! 

This may feel random (and still feels oddly too soon to discuss) since you both are not even in middle school yet, but I’m currently reading Martha Beck’s book on integrity and it’s brought up some of my “past” for me- one of the big ones being dating. Bare with me. 

I’d say one of my louder demons is this big fat lie that “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m always going to feel lonely.” See, I told you she was making me do work on myself! But what does this all have to do with dating and you guys?! I’ll tell you- 

I’ll start by describing my past. I started dating because my friends were and because I desperately wanted to be liked. I wanted less of the lonely crap, and because my friendships weren’t always easy or fulfilling then. Cue awkward high school years! I didn’t know how to just be me and be okay with that! I was a perfectionist and people pleaser in training. So, low and behold, the first guy that gave me the attention I craved got all of me. Even though there were red flags right out of the gate. Our relationship was my drug of choice then; and even though I came through and on the other side, met your dad, and grew because of it all, I still very much suffered and had consequences I could have simply avoided. When you give your whole heart away, you don’t get it back still whole. More on that later.

So what does this have to do with you both? 

Know that I will be picky with your friendships and dating in your school years. You can be too! And here’s why I may not even allow you to date before college. Does this mean that I’ll be a control freak and call it motherhood?! No, it just means that there will be a lot of discussion and working through the relationships you have in school (toxic and abusive aren’t part of the high school experience). Once you graduate, than I obviously will have more of a back seat participation, but know that the dating advice in the picture above will become that much more important and your gut will too-

We’ll talk more later, 

Mom