Generosity-

 Daughters, 

As Anais Nin also said, “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.” 

This particular quote is important because it leads to this one, 

“My good-girl, people-pleasing behavior earned me approval, which satisfied my underlying need for attention and love. It also left me with a nagging, uncomfortable question: Did people love me for who I am? Or was love transactional, based on what I did for others and how little I needed from them? 

-Cy Wakeman 

Oh man, it’s as if both of these ladies just read what was written on my heart. In a way, what they are saying represents my shadow that I’ve been trying to out run. Most of what I have gone through and even shared here can be tied to this, these quotes. For too long, I’ve been tying my worthiness into how I give and show up for others, and what I’m still finding is that it’s all a big lie. 

Cy goes on to say, 

“Please release me from the need for love, approval, and appreciation. If I don’t need those things, I can give freely from my heart.” 

So there you have it, the antidote to over-giving and people-pleasing my way through life. At my core, I am a natural giver and care-taker, but without clear intentions or boundaries, my giving easily becomes exhausting, resentful, and doesn’t lead to the heathy relationship I’m wanting or needing. It becomes very one-sided and also usually entails me feeling both metal and physically sick. 

Which leads me to finish with another quote by Cy Wakeman, 

“True generosity is that which I do joyfully and peacefully, without resentment and without expectation of a payoff. It creates its own surplus.” 

Earning approval and love is not tied to what you can do for others. Being generous is instead meant to be a surplus for a stranger, in a relationship, and especially within yourself. True generosity is the gift that keeps giving, 

Mom