Pain-

 “We’re taught to think of our psychic and physical wounds as the irregularities in our lives, deviations from what should have been; sometimes, as sources of stigma. But our stories of loss and separation are also the baseline state, right alongside our stories of landing our dream job, falling in love, giving birth to our miraculous children. And the very highest states- of awe and joy, wonder and love, meaning and creativity- emerge from this bittersweet nature of reality. We experience them not because life is perfect- but because it’s not.” -Susan Cain 

Daughters, 

Dr. Steven Hayes adds to this by saying, 

“The place you suffer is the place you care. You hurt because you care. Therefore, the best response to pain is to dive deeper into your caring. But to open your heart to pain is to open your heart to joy- in your pain you find your values, and in your values, you find your pain.” 

There is so much I want to unpack here with these two quotes. But I first would like to start off by saying that I have been desperately trying to take my pain throughout my life and find answers for you both. As if to say that all pain makes you wiser. I realize though, that you will find your own pain no matter how much I try to protect you. And even though I have learned along the way, you both will have to find your own answers within. 

But I don’t want to stop there. I do want to tell you both that I have found comfort, healing even from these quotes and here’s why- 

 For the longest time I have felt like life was happening to me. That in order to survive pain I needed to quickly forgive and heal in order to move on. Until recently, I would carry around past offenses like battle scars and quickly protect myself from future ones when needed in the shape of perfectionism, walls (aka: avoidance) and boundaries. But worse than that is, I used to carry around the thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, or something was wrong with me and that I somehow deserved this pain or made it easy. 

If you are to take anything from what I’m writing here is that nothing is wrong with you, and you especially don’t deserve your pain! But, “you hurt because you care.” Which sounds awful in the moment, I know! But like me, you will find value in the heartache. Like me, you will rise from the ashes. Like me, you will keep fighting for the good. Sometimes our pain will be the Achilles’ heels for life (mine is friendship) and other times, our pain will be temporary. Regardless, “the best response to pain is to dive deeper into your caring,” and I’ll be here right along side of each of you encouraging you both to not give up, 

Mom