Goodbyes (Part Two)-

 

Daughters, 

This obviously is related to my last writing, but more so on the “people goodbyes” part-

Here it is, I don’t have a cure for getting over those that have failed us. I say us, because I know that you both will be hurt by others beyond just the playground in your future. Loving others will do that. I pray that you don’t experience the same hurt as me with friends and boyfriends, but I have the most beautiful quote and my empathy ready just in case: 

“Right now, you are being called to release your old self: your prior afflictions, past relationships, and all of the guilt from the time you spent denying yourself what you really wanted and needed out of life. Recovering from self-sabotage always necessitates a process of letting go. 

However, you cannot force something out of your brain space, no matter how much you don’t want it to be there. 

You cannot simply loosen your grip, relax a little, and will yourself to stop thinking entirely about something around which your entire world used to orbit. 

How can you become so passive about something you have spent so much of your time in your life actively working to maintain and then restore? 

You can’t and you don’t. 

You start to let go on the day you take one step toward building a new life and then let yourself lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and cry for as many hours as you need. 

You start to let go on the day you realize that you cannot continue to revolve around a missing gap in your life, and going on as you were before will simply not be an option. 

You start to let go at the moment you realize that this is the impetus, this is the catalyst, this is that moment the movies are made about and the books are written around and songs are inspired by. 

This is the moment you realize that you will never find peace standing in the ruins of what you used to be. 

You can only move on if you start building something new. 

You let go when you build a new life so immersive and engaging and exciting, you slowly, over time, forget about the past.” 

-Brianna Wiest

Now here’s something I will add to what she said, your past won’t be totally forgotten but when you have reached the place that she’s talking about; your new life, your past will feel less haunting and more like a healed wound. I’m adding that part because I don’t want you both to feel guilty or shamed if an ex best friend or boyfriend is not only hard to get over but also hard to forget (maybe but also not limited to any person of your past). You’ll most likely remember the parts you had with them or how they hurt you forever, but even if there wasn’t reconciliation or closer, you can arrive to a place of forgiveness and healing- eventually. I shared this quote with you both because I love that Brianna mentions that it takes time when so many of us wish it to be over and move on as quickly as possible. Unfortunately our brain sometimes moves quicker than our hearts do! 

What you realize after, is that you are still standing and so much stronger and an even better person because of what you have gone through. You now know what you can’t have or don’t want. 

Step by step, day by day, 

Mom