Daughters,
Reading Jeannie Cunnion’s words above and when she says, “The primary message our children receive is that they’d better be the best at everything, and this leaves them afraid to reveal their inadequacies and insecurities, hiding behind the best version of themselves.”
This opens the floodgates. I feel so much immense guilt because I know the pressures I put on myself overflow to you both. I struggle with my own perfection, and I know it leaves the impression that you two have to be perfect too. If there’s a lesson that I keep learning over and over again it would be that my failures, brokenness, and fears are what keep me from being good enough instead of exactly what are needed to turn towards prayer. I keep trying to do life without Him. Afraid that if I get it wrong that I’ll be alone. Being alone is my worst fear by the way. I think it stems from struggling to fit in as a child. I think it stems from having parents who struggled talking about sin or facing mental illness. I think it stems from receiving the message that every time I’ve said or done the wrong thing I wasn’t worthy. I think it stems from holding myself or letting others hold me to a high and impossible standard.
I know that when you peel back the layers of my parenting you’ll see where I struggle with the hard and bad things. I struggle with handling myself at my worst and that most definitely includes you both as my children.
I want for you both to be the absolute best versions of yourselves because I see your potentials. I see your hearts. I see your personalities. I see your strengths and gifts. But no where do I expect for you two to be perfect. And I’m learning to show you both that it’s okay to laugh instead of always crying or yelling over “spilled milk.” I’m learning to not only show love in the good, but to love even harder in the bad.
There is and will always be Grace for failure,
Mom
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