Forgiveness-

Daughters, 

Forgiveness is something that I very much am learning to do in real time. It’s hard. I won’t pretend it isn’t. In one sense I pray for your forgiveness all the time as I tend to fall apart on the regular. This whole mom thing is no joke. I’m constantly learning. But on the other hand, when the stakes feel high and the hurt is deep it’s much, much harder. In my case it’s been in friendship. In hopes of being an advocate for you both and your future friends I know I need to deal with my past hurt. Not all friends hurt. Past hurt doesn’t equal future hurt. And as much as I have navigated and grown, I’m still very much on this forgiveness journey. Lysa Terkeurst has put into words what I couldn’t, 

“For me to move forward, for me to see beyond this current darkness, is between me and the Lord. I don’t need to wait on others to do anything or place blame or shame that won’t do anyone any good. I simply must obey whatever God is asking of me right now. God has given me a new way to walk. And God has given me a new way to see. It’s forgiveness. And it is beautiful. I have to place my healing in the Lord’s hands. I need to focus on what I can do to step toward Him in obedience. And forgiveness is what He’s asking of me. I must separate my healing from others’ repentance or lack thereof. My ability to heal cannot be conditional on them wanting my forgiveness but only on my willingness to give it.”

She goes on to say more in her “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” book. She covers many of the same feelings I have when it’s hard to forgive. 

I have experienced way more hurt in my adulthood than I care to admit and after already experiencing years of hurt in my childhood. I share this because it took me a while just to actually face this fact of my life. Not that I expected adulthood to be breezy, but many of the hurt that I have experienced with friends still feels childish to me. So high-school. And if I’m being honest, my disappointment and hurt still affects me even years post- friendship. Much of my married life has also been catastrophic with girl friends. In fact, much of my wedding party is no longer apart of my life as I write this. That is deeply heartening for me. The term BFF for me rings more along the lines of, “Broken Friends in the Future.” Which often times leaves me questioning where I went wrong. And lonely. Will this be the same for you two? Gosh, I hope not. So if your childhood is far less scarring I’ll be so thankful! In fact, I often pray for friends and future friends for you both and especially as you near life beyond my walls. 

But know that whatever cards you both are dealt, you never have to stay stuck. Fight for new ones. Keep playing, or in other words, forgive even if you never see a result from your forgiveness. I can attest that my forgiveness hasn’t given me my friends back, or made finding new ones easy, but it has made me a better friend, shown me what I need, and given me inner peace in the process. Sometimes that peace comes early on, and other times it’s a journey to get there. All reminding me that forgiveness isn’t about losing all feeling and especially that it doesn’t rely on others. Something Lysa has so graciously shared and now I am too, 

Mom