Unfairness-

Daughters, 

Life can be just simply unfair. I know by the time you read this that you will know that from experience and if not, will have definitely heard that phrase before. But I think it’s important to add that going through it is really hard. In fact, it sucks. There’s no sugar-coating it, and you certainly won’t hear other wise from me. I wanted to tell you about a time in my own life when I experienced unfairness. Probably at its finest. Note that I’m not telling you in order to get sympathy or make you feel like I’m comparing to what you will go through, but rather so when I say I understand- you know that I too, get it. 

During my senior year of high school I was voted by my entire soccer team to be a captain. That means that 9th through 12th graders chose me, not my coaches. Which is a high honor and something I’m still so thankful for. I think being a goalie and the oldest sibling made this introvert a natural leader, but what didn’t come as natural was leading from the bench. Let me explain by saying that my coach made the decision to play her junior goalie instead of me. It pushed me to try harder I will tell you that! But I’m not going to beat around the bush- I only got to play on “senior night.” I was literally in the best shape of my life and I practiced more than I ever had before. But for whatever reason she wouldn’t play me. Not even when I was doing better than my teammate. Not even when we were losing during our final playoff game. She had her mind made up. And I was too prideful to ask her about it. I wanted her to choose me and not get guilted into playing me. Soccer had always been good to me up until that point. It had always come easy. Here’s to say, I really was the best cheer leader ever that season; and although I was the best captain I could be from the sidelines, my beloved sport was no longer the same. I may have put on a brave face, but inside I was a crushed hot-mess. I had done everything I could to make it better and still had nothing. No changes. No explanations. No reward. 

It’s been 15 years later and that is still one of my hardest life lessons. But It taught me the following: 

You can absolutely be in the right and still made to feel like your wrong. 

You can only control yourself. 

You won’t always get answers. 

You won’t always be seen or heard or chosen. 

You can be your own advocate. 

You can lead from anywhere. 

You can be an example. 

You can be hurt, but it’s not an excuse to go and hurt. 

No one can take your talents or goals or wishes away from you. 

If it’s important to you to keep trying, don’t give up. 

I’m sure there’s more I could add to this list, but my point is that you don’t have to stay stuck in a situation when life is unfair. Sure you can grieve and be disappointed, but never let that change you for the worst. Like mistakes, these circumstances can make you a better person if you let them. My senior season showed me the most that no one can take my leadership and work ethic away from me. My coach didn’t appreciate me then, but guess what, my jobs after high school sure did. I was promoted to salary management for two major retail companies in less than five years and without experience or a degree. Take that haters! 

No but seriously, never underestimate your abilities and keeping searching for those that see them too. Don’t let someone else’s no keep you from trying again. When life hands you lemons, you make that lemonade-

Mom