You-

 Daughters,

It has taken me a bit to figure out how I wanted to begin these blog post series. So many things that I want to say to you both, that words resembling ideas swirl in my brain but rarely make sense on paper. But being the perfectionist-recoverer perhaps that I am these days, I realized that I just needed to start. I also realized that probably the best lesson that I can give you two is leading by example by showing off my human side. 

I truly believe that parenting begins with not only worry (will I break you?!), but also the promise of not repeating our history. I guess if you were going to be like anyone, choose your dad! There is nothing more terrifying than watching your own children experience the same things that you somehow got through, barely unscathed. Sure, I am like most parents with hopes and dreams for you, but maybe I'm not like the rest, when I admit that I just want you to always try your best and to learn from failed attempts and especially from your mistakes. Please have integrity! I don't care what sports you try out for, I'll be your biggest cheerleader. I don't care what instrument (just not the recorder) you practice, I'll pay for lessons. I don't care what art you create, it will always be beautiful to me. I don't care what college you apply for, I just want you to be happy and soaking up so much knowledge and experience. I don't care what job you choose, I just want it to be legal, and for you to be happy and earning enough money to thrive. But probably my biggest hope for you both, is that you will find companions along the way and that you will especially love yourselves. Love yourself-

I read this quote by Shauna Niequist this morning, 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for resting your body and your soul. And part of being an adult is learning to meet your own needs, because when it comes down to it, with a few exceptions, no one else is going to do it for you.

I love what she said there! Please don't be like me, and wait until you're thirty and having a nervous breakdown to start including yourself on your priority list! Please don't mask your emotions and problems with busyness, silence, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, and even sex. Yes, I went deep! But, none of those things will bring you peace. Constantly keep checking back with yourselves, and in the meantime, I will be doing my very best to help and give you that time to do so now. She goes on to say though, 

It is terrifying: wildly unprotected, vulnerable, staring our wounds right in the face. But this is where we grow, where we learn, where our lives actually begin to change. 

You have so much growing up to do. Your experiences, most of them being the hard ones, will be your greatest teacher; although, I am hoping that you don't have to go through many of the same ones that I have. I can't wait to see who you each become; but, I can wait! Just know, that I don't want perfect daughters, I just want kind, happy yes, but real ones!

-I'll just be busy here loving on you and learning along the way too,

Mom